Remembering September III

So after 9 months of recovery, the relapse and my cat still missing – I restarted my journey in prayers not ever go back. Recovery is not all roses at all. It’s difficult. It’s tiring. It makes you cry and laugh or both at the same time. It makes you go deep in to your heart and face your demons, because at the end your ED is not just about the food or being skinny – IT’S WAY BEYOND IT – it’s about your fears and insecurities and pain – so many things you’ve wrapped up in cupcakes, ice-cream or whatever you could find on the hand and shoveled it down your throat to numb yourself from whatever you don’t like feeling – sometimes it’s pain, sometimes it’s boredom, sometimes it’s happiness that are so hard to accept.

In real life you have to deal with those – and there’s no turning into food. And the food itself is an issue – you fear it the most. The food thoughts still haunt you every day. Some days more than the others. You eat. Digest. Fell uncomfortable because the food (the “enemy”) sits in your stomach. You want to throw up after every meal. It’s uncomfortable. You are healing.

But it gets easier. I promise. And this promise is to myself, because I mainly blog for myself. It helps. Writing down things is liberating and it fells amazing.

As for my cat(s).

So Missy was missing for more than a month, when I got a phone call from one of the Russian blue breeders who had read my article in the local newspaper about missing my cat. She had offered me a baby kitten as a gift, because she felt very sorry for my loss. I did not accept it. I did not want any other cat especially the Russian blue which would remind me about my Missy. But my BF insisted on taking him. He though it’ll be good for me. I was very skeptical about the whole thing until I saw our baby-boy and took him into my arms. He was love. We called him Mukas.

It had been a week since Mukas made a home in our hearts and home. One evening I heard my BF calling Missy out loud – I thought he was crazy – we had Mukas now. But he was calling our princess who came back after 50 days of being gone. Missy returned home. I have no words to describe the happiness I felt. And I won’t go into detail of how skinny and trembling she was. The first days of her return all she did was eating and sleeping. The 50 days which she spend god knows where had exhausted her, she was sick and weak. The vet guessed that someone just kept her imprisoned, because the analysis showed that she was fed, though she did not eat much. But she was home. And now she had “a brother”. There were some serious fights the first week, but finally they got along wonderfully and now are inseparable.

The summer was tough. I lost my cat, I had a relapse, I went to Paris and got the other cat, and the old one had returned home. Consequently it’s a WIN. Life is magical no matter what challenges it may bring us every day.

So in honoring September I want to thank YOU for reading my ramblings on life as it is. Not perfect but sincere – just the way I like it.