I Have Moved

I have moved to

http://coffeeaddictgreta.wordpress.com/

See you there.

I am on a Diet

So last Tuesday I woke up in the middle of the night with lower right ab pain that was excruciating. After several tests in the er, I was wheeled into surgery 5 pm weds, had laparoscopic appendectomy and due to my "so low body fat" (as I was told) I had to stay in the hospital for 4 days. After the procedure I've only had ice chips. When I was finally able to eat, I was given full sugar jello, yogurt, soda and a couple of other high carb items - unacceptable!!!!!!

I was shaking consuming those; however I followed the doctor’s orders.

Since I had returned home I’m still on the after appendectomy diet:

I’m having lots of those

Can’t complain, they taste good.

Homemade chicken broth.

Barley.

As well as yogurt and cottage cheese even though I quit dairy quite a while

 and for todays’ special tuna salad with spinach, mustard and olive oil.

I hope to be able to return to myusual diet very soon as well as to the gym.

And, God,  I miss my wine…

Have you ever had to go on a diet due to some health issues or operations?

How did you feel?

I have been ill

I have just come back from the hospital.

Had my appendicitis removed.

Still weak, still in bed.

It’s nice always to have someone by my side… or on my lap.

The Voices

I must confess that since the bulimia had started I could never escape the screaming voices in my head. Almost always after eating something that felt remotely bad my mind used to erupt into a deafening tirade of insults, anxiety, and sheer panic that I was killing myself or, worse, that I was gaining what would surely be about 100 pounds that I would be doomed to carry around on my body forever. My mind screamed the only way to avoid either fate is to get rid of the offending material right now! Only purging would quiet the voices. Even now, in recovery I still experience it from time to time. For example yesterday I went out for lunch with a friend. I was late so I asked my friend to order a salad (of her choice) for me! When I arrived at the café, I saw a mozzarella salad on our table.

For me! Come on! I can’t have dairy!!! I mean I do not eat it for quite a while and I feel great without it. What the hell she was thinking while ordering that mozzarella? She knows I do not eat dairy. Does she want me to get fat?  

Silly, of course, but this is just an example. This happens to me quite often. I may be managing my behavior well (no binging/purging) but my mind still on the bulimic side.

Only recently I started learning how to quiet those voices and then the panic goes away as well.

When I start thinking with pessimism or doubt, I can feel completely sure that it is my overprotective, worried head that is talking to me.  I guess the primary unconscious function of it is simply to protect me. But, it’s not the part of me I should always listen to. Negativity will always silence my heart and spirit, which are the parts of me that lead me to full life with joy and purpose. So my mission is to keep my mind positive as much as I can.

Hell, I ate the salad and had the greatest time with my friend.

Other things I enjoyed on Saturday were:

My "children" Ha-ha.

Some snaking on the turkey, almonds, dried prunes and wine.

And the Vogue.

I got my first Christmas card from Chanel.

Do you struggle with the screaming voices in your head?

How do you deal with them?

Out of “Coma”

Hello everyone/someone/anyone???!!! I missed you all so much. Being away made me realize that though I only have some “internet” friends, I still consider you all true real-life friends and am so happy to be back here blogging and reading about what you all have been up to.

Life is beautiful.

Recovery – sucks.

Some things/events just sent to some kind of coma

 – and you feel nothing. Emptiness. And as you don’t turn to food to fill you up anymore – you fell numb, lost and scared – well maybe do not you – I DID.

Now I realize that such “floating” does nothing good to me. I need to participate and feel and experience and BE.

I realize that my writing doesn’t make much sense, however – early in my recovery I have decided to live a better life. A life of compassion and gentleness and hope, with no more anger, no more anguish, no more doubt.

My heart was exhausted from all the fighting, the worrying, and the pain. I decided then and there that I would strive each day toward eliminating these emotions from my life. I was simply too tired and weak to carry that burden any more.

But in life you can’t simply block those bad emotions.

You fall. And then get up. Even if it’s the millionth of times. GET UP. It’s never too late. Ever. Believe me.

I get up.

Last night I had my Beaujolais .

And some take away sushi and shasimi.

I forgot to buy some fashion magazines… so that’s on today’s agenda…

My Silent Week

Last week my cousin passed away.

She was 38.

She had a breast cancer.

I will always love her…



On my way to the funeral I bought these.

First Thing in the Morning

In spite my love for coffee. And that I can’t imagine my morning, day or evening without it. The first thing in the morning is not a cup of that divine drink.

The first thing I do in the morning (besides going to the bathroom) is feeding my cats.

And then goes coffee.

A cup after a cup…

Sharing my last night’s dinner: chicken wings. Yes I’m a carnivore. Nom nom.

What’s the first thing in the morning you do?

No Internet and Beaujolais Nouveau

Due to some new constructions in my area I have no internet access at home. Yes, it’s possible in such country that I live in. I try to catch up with my favorite blogs at work, however I have not much time for it. I MISS MY FRIENDS SO MUCH.

On the wine thing.

At one past midnight on the third Thursday of each November, from little villages and towns like Romanèche-Thorins, over a million cases of Beaujolais Nouveau begin their journey through a sleeping France to Paris for immediate shipment to all parts of the world. Banners proclaim the good news: Le Beaujolais Nouveau est arrivé! "The New Beaujolais has arrived!" One of the most frivolous and animated rituals in the wine world has begun.

By the time it is over, over 65 million bottles, nearly half of the region's total annual production, will be distributed and drunk around the world. It has become a worldwide race to be the first to serve to this new wine of the harvest. In doing so, it has been carried by motorcycle, balloon, truck, helicopter, Concorde jet, elephant, runners and rickshaws to get it to its final destination. It is amazing to realize that just weeks before this wine was a cluster of grapes in a growers vineyard. But by an expeditious harvest, a rapid fermentation, and a speedy bottling, all is ready at the midnight hour. By French law, Beaujolais Nouveau is to be released no earlier than the third Thursday of November.

Every year our one of my favorite wine bars was open for this amazing feast of the new wine. As you see the dress code was The Beret. I loved the event, the company and the wine.

What kind of wine you will be enjoying this weekend?
Do you like Beaujolais Nouveau?

Weekend Pleasures

COFFEE

The Film (I never thought I could enjoy it as much as the book)

Some fancy Cola (a gift from my friend)

A dinner with fiends on our porch (I had a salad)

I hope you had a lovely weekend as well.

I guess it was the last sunny weekend here...

I smell winter, do you?

Blaaah

Three days of work feels like a decade...

My suitcases are still unpacked.

He doesn’t help :))

After the Holidays. The Good and the Bad.

I‘m back.

God, I feel great. Yet, I feel awful as well...

Almost two weeks I did absolutely nothing:

Enjoyed warmth and sun, swam in the sea, lounged by the pool, reading books.

Did some shopping.

Went to the dessert.

Spend some time in the yacht.

Rode a camel.

Drank lots of free wine.

And I ATE.

And I ate good and I ate crap. Lots of it. Every time I entered any type of restaurant I promised myself to be cool… sometimes I managed just to enjoy food, but usually I felt guilty having any of it.

And I have gained weight. I try to avoid the scale like a plague (we had one in our hotel room) but my jeans tell me – I’ve gained some fat… that’s frustrating…

I haven’t eaten today.

I try to escape that after-holiday depression, but at the moment I fell so sad; I have no idea how to go back to being myself...

And I miss my blog FRIENDS!!!!!!!!

I’m still on holiday

I’m still in the south. My one week holiday had changed into a two week vocation. The internet here costs 50$ a day!!! That’s crazy. I managed to capture some of it in one of the restaurants, but it’s so slow it takes ages for the page to open. So I am aware of things that are going on in my friends’ blogs. I’m just not able to comment or post anything. Hope to catch up with you soon.

I’m Off to Africa

Despite my bikini fears.

Despite that I feel huge.

Despite that I don‘t the hell know what I’ll be eating/drinking the next week.

I‘m off to Africa tonight.

I’ll be living in a 5* hotel and I know I’ll have the internet access I won’t be posting the whole week.

But I’ll be reading blogs of my wonderful friends from all over the world.

As you see I was already there 7 years ago.

See you in a week.

Where Do I Come From

As you have noticed my English is terrible. And I APOLOGISE for that. The reason is that English is the third language I speak therefore my language skills are far away from perfect. I speak Lithuanian (my native language) and fluent Russian. I know French and German and English. I blog in English because I want to share my life with people who have similar interests and English enables me to do so.

Thus more of where do I come from:

• I live in Lithuania. A country that has 3,3 million inhabitants.

• I speak Lithuanian. The language is the oldest living language of the Indo-European family. 8.83.6% of the Lithuanian population are ethnic Lithuanians who speak the Lithuanian language.

• In 14th century Lithuania was the biggest country in Europe: it included present territories of Belarus and Ukraine, part of Poland and part of Russia.

• Lithuania has 99 kilometers (61.5 mi) of sandy coastline.

• Lithuania was the last pagan country in Europe that accepted Christianity. Yes, we’re slow.

• Lithuania is the Geographical Centre of Europe is 26 km to the North of Vilnius (the capital) as it was found by The National Institute of Geography in France.

• Lithuania is a land of storks. Every year there are around 15,000 pairs of white storks raising their young.

• Lithuania is one of the several countries in the world where the most popular sport is Basketball. Yes, we’re tall. I myself 178 cm (5’10)

• Lithuania is the only country in the world having national perfume. “The Scent of Lithuania” is perfume for home. It holds the entire history of our nation…

• Lithuanians first in the world invented way to make vodka from corn. Yes, we drink a lot. You can see it in my blog.

• The average Lithuanian, if asked about the national dishes, without blinking an eye would offer cepelinai (potato and meat dish), vėdarai (intestines stuffed with potatoes) or potato pancakes. Yuk!

• Lithuania is 1st in the world by the number of hot air balloons per resident.  And Vilnius is one of a few European capitals where you can fly with hot air balloons. I do it quite often.

• Lithuania owns the world record of blondes. I’m almost a blonde, but not quite.

• Not bad however it’s cold here: average temperature: January -5o C, July +17o C.

1 Where do you come from?

2 What languages do you speak?

3 Would you like to visit Lithuania?