On Mondays I weigh myself.
I step on the scale see those numbers and I curse out loud. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. FUCK!
I get depressed and rethink my food choices promising myself to “do better” this week...
Why do I keep doing it to myself?!.
This morning I realise - those numbers mean NOTHING and it is time to remove them from my life forever!
Whether I see “good numbers” or “bad numbers” when I step onto that scale I experience a substantial increase in anxiety levels and urges to either binge or restrict; and restricting always leads to further bingeing in the end.
Today rethinking all that ugly Monday process I realized that in recovery I don’t need a scale to measure my progress.
I mean, my well-being, confidence and energy levels have exceedingly improved. And they are the true indicators of the progress that I am making. All continually checking my weight keeps me trapped in those obsessive and compulsive thought patterns.
At the start of my recovery I decided to weigh myself once a week. Only once - on Mondays.
Today I’ve undestood that even though I was only checking my weight once a week I remain a slave to those numbers. I still use them for comfort and I know I would never really recover while I am so dependent on them.
Whether I see “good numbers” or “bad numbers” when I step onto that scale I experience a substantial increase in anxiety levels and urges to either binge or restrict; and restricting always leads to further bingeing in the end.
Today rethinking all that ugly Monday process I realized that in recovery I don’t need a scale to measure my progress.
I mean, my well-being, confidence and energy levels have exceedingly improved. And they are the true indicators of the progress that I am making. All continually checking my weight keeps me trapped in those obsessive and compulsive thought patterns.
At the start of my recovery I decided to weigh myself once a week. Only once - on Mondays.
Today I’ve undestood that even though I was only checking my weight once a week I remain a slave to those numbers. I still use them for comfort and I know I would never really recover while I am so dependent on them.
So today I took a bigger plunge.
I gave the batteries of my digital scale to my BF and told him to hide them. Forever. It was hard. Painful. Scary.
Thus I’m freeing myself from the scale today and celebrating it with this (the dinner)
I gave the batteries of my digital scale to my BF and told him to hide them. Forever. It was hard. Painful. Scary.
Thus I’m freeing myself from the scale today and celebrating it with this (the dinner)
and this
greta, i just posted a very long comment on this, but the nyc restaurant disconnected me; so i'm not quite sure if it transmitted! please tell me if you didn't receive it! :) xx
ReplyDeleteSorry, sweetie, it did not.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I haven’t received any of your emails. I understand if you are too busy to answer, I’m telling you just in case
I don't weigh myself anymore and I'm glad you have recognized your weight -- high or low, good or bad -- is a trigger for you & are taking the plunge to stop measuring it!! That's a HUGE step!
ReplyDeleteI’m a little scared, Sable. I’m such a control freak about everything and letting go of the scales terrifies me to death. I hope to handle that “break up” well.
ReplyDeletegreta, oh nooooooooo! i sent you a nice long reply to your email from last saturday! i will forward it again (after posting this comment), hoping that you receive it (the comment and the email!). and if you don't receive it, then i will just post my email comments to one of your discussion forums!
ReplyDeletemy original comment to this message was something like: i am so happy for your decision to stop weighing yourself. yeah! :) my last formal weigh-in was sometime in 2001, at my highest weight of 171 pounds (coming off of being 89 pounds just six months prior). i weighed myself annually at the doctor's examination appointment. and, most recently i slipped up at my grandparents' house two weeks ago, weighing myself.
i see your batteries like my laxatives. i would hide my laxatives only to find them when needing a fix, and the process would start all over again. i think that your BF should toss the batteries. that's the only way to safe proof this new venture, i think. but, if you feel comfortable having them around, then, by all means, keep them. i'm the last person from whom anyone should take advice on this subject. :) xx
You are so brave!
ReplyDeleteI really want to get rid of my scales sometime soon.
Please update on how you go!
I will definitely report back, GIRLS. I hope I won’t be searching for those batteries like for some temporary drug. Anyway I have always hated scales; I hope I won’t miss them soon.
ReplyDeletegreta, did you get my email yesterday??? i hope so!!!
ReplyDeletei hope you're having a splendid week!
miss your blog posts!
report to us soon! :) xx
Yes, Nicole,I've got your email!
ReplyDeleteOh, I’m having another super busy week and my computer is on strike, so I’m secretly reading your New York posts from my BF laptop. I hope to catch up with blogging very soon.