Today while shopping for some sushi ingredients I had a small chat with the shop girl and she said that she and her colleague liked me and called me “the sushivogue girl” because I always bought the sushi ingredients and some kind of fashion magazine.
“You’re very skinny” one of them said.
It sounded divine. I fell in love with that girl at that very moment. I wanted her to be my friend and my family forever… my old bulimic self wanted to go on and chat about how healthy I eat in order to stay so slim…
But the real me had replied: “I had an eating disorder.”
Here I’d said it to a complete stranger whom I wanted to be my friend just a few seconds ago. Now she supposed to freak out and think that I am a mutant of some kind. But SHE SMILED and said:
“Hope you are getting better”
And I smiled back “Oh, yes, I AM!”
I left the shop calm and content. And I will go back there – that’s something I could have never done just a year ago - feeling shame and discomfort about others knowing my dishonorable secret.
It was so easy to say it to some strangers. It’s kind of easy to blog about it but I still can’t confess to people I love. I don’t even want to… and this is tearing me apart…
So tonight was a Sushi/Vogue night:
I ate these
and enjoyed them with some of this.
Do/did your love ones know about your problems? How do/did you approach them?
oh my goodness, this is my favourite blog post ever! i adore my friend, the sushivogue girl! thank you for making my day with this fabulous composition. :) :) :) ENOUGH SAID.
ReplyDeleteNicole, you are as usual very nice. Thank you for reading.
ReplyDeleteGreta, I love that you owned your ED. I really, truly, LOVE it. So many other women would have just said "Thank you," but in being honest you brought attention and AWARENESS to the disease and the fact that skinny does not always mean happy! <3
ReplyDeleteThank, you, Sable. It’s just a small step forward when I have the whole marathon ahead. But I hope to finish it victorious.
ReplyDeleteHi Greta,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading for awhile and have never really commemnted til now. Just wanna say that I love your blog and you're such an inspiration!
Can you give a stepbystep tutorial on how you make those sushi rolls? I've tried before, but I can never seem to get it right! I looove sushi too!
Hi, Lindsey, I’m so excited that someone besides my lovely Nicole and Sable is reading this nonsense. My sushi is so simple; I guess only the act of rolling them needs some mastering skills. I’d learned it from this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNwWeV8B1XI&feature=related. But I suppose I’ll make a post of how do I do that some time.
ReplyDeleteThat would be great! I never know what kind of rice and ingredients to use, everytime I make them it never sticks or doesn't taste right lol. Sooo jealous of you're skills : )
ReplyDeletecongrats on owning up to your ED, in public nonetheless, that takes major balls. nothin but respect here.
That is so brave! I don't think I could do that.
ReplyDeleteNone of my family really know about my eating disorder. I think maybe they are just in denial because it was pretty freaking obvious! But I just don't think I could ever bring myself to say it to them. I just don't want to cause them any pain.
I think it gets a little bit easier every time I am honest about it though. I hope that one day when I feel really confident that I am fully better, I will tell my family about it.
But until I can say that I used to have an eating disorder but now I am definitely 100% fine, I just don't think I could do it.
I just wanted to add - I have just read through some of your posts and really got a lot out of them. So thanks, I'm excited to keep reading!
ReplyDeleteHi, Elyza, thank you for stopping by. I feel exactly the same thing towards my family too. I love them so much and my silence is kind of protection of things that I know will truly upset them. Postponing my confessions to better times.
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