I must have been injected with a vaccine for baby-fever because kids aren’t in my cards. Yet.
I’ve never really wanted kids since I was little and everyone always said “You’ll change your mind one day.”
Well, I’m 34, my BF is 35 and he feels the same way. I have had people tell me I am selfish for not wanting a child.
Really?!
It pushes my buttons, this little old baby topic. I am not naive enough to say never, god knows what I’ll think tomorrow, let alone years from now. It drives me nuts that people my age assume all women want children.
Apparently not all of us do.
I hate the sad, pitying looks I get from people when I express this view, and the “Life is SO much better” line.
Plus there is that big looming question out there: “What will you do when your 50 and regret NOT having a kid?!”
Well, the fact of the matter is I don’t know what I’ll do as I can’t predict what my feelings will be in 12 years. Can you?
What’s your take on children? Please answer that.
greta,
ReplyDeletei have promised my blog readers a full dissertation on my thoughts of pregnancy and childbirth and children . . . and since i've yet to compose those thoughts in a written format, i will provide my briefest thoughts to answer your beautifully posed question:
my take on children . . .
i think that children are amazing. they are the brains of tomorrow, and they make certain families complete. my sister said to me, a few years ago, before she was engaged to be married, "i have the college degree, i have the job, now i want the husband and the children. that's what life is all about." she was partly correct. to my sister, that's what life is all about. to me, it's not.
for a long time, i WANTED to get pregnant because i WANTED sir henry to marry me (that's my code name for the ex love of my life). i thought that by being the subservient housewife baring children that i would be loved. but at the same time, i feared what pregnancy would do to my mind. clearly i had been up and down the scale and back again so many times . . . 89 to 171 pounds of yo yo'ing . . . and i was scared of gaining weight again. i would rather have been dead to have been fat.
and then i got my little gwendolyn. little by little, i realised that i had become a mother. so i truly understood how those other mothers felt. people don't understand me or my overly attentive attitude toward gwendolyn, and i'm okay with that because my lifestyle is not mainstream. but, i am a mother, and i demonstrate a mother's love. and this little girl's life depends on mine, on my health, on my well being. there are so many dogs (and cats, in your case) who need homes and loving families. human being children would be too much for me. i am in love with the fact that i love someone who loves me back because i have been a good mother.
i'm too selfish for human being children. their lifestyles and maintenance would not be good for my ex bulimic life. with a dog, i can awaken at 3am and blog from the couch with her by my side. with a human, i cannot do that. there are so many restrictions and limitations to human being children that just don't work with me. i restrict my life too much, and it wouldn't be fair to a human being . . . or to me . . . to add additional restrictions.
my grandmother's second marriage is the most glorious union that i've ever observed. i WANT that so badly! they don't have children, and as a child, i often wondered of why. it didn't seem "normal" to me because everyone else was rockin' a baby on every hip and knee. but now i get it. and i respect my grandmother so much more than ever for her decision.
so, human being children are beautiful. but they're not meant for everyone. they're not meant for me. the end! :)
Nicole, I love you.
ReplyDeleteFor being so honest and real.
Your posts make me understand so many things, about myself and the horrid world of bulimia, which I thought only I had lived in.
In my bulimia life I couldn’t bear a thought about my children ever seeing the ugly world their mommy is living in,and that was the reason I said No to kids; but in recovery I understood that I am fine taking care of just myself, my BF and my cats…
You’d articulated your reasons so clearly – I get you 100%. Especially the part about the freedom at 3 am in the morning… I miss that...
I don't know how to answer this. From the ages of about 14 - 21 I wanted a baby more than anything. I wanted millions of them. When I was dating Matt I told him I wanted 8 but would compromise to 6. I wanted to foster, adopt, the whole shebang. I cried for the baby I wasn't having. I figured that by the time I was 21 the baby I was meant to be having would be about seven, so I planned to foster a 7 year old at age 21. I even cried with jealousy when watching a video at school about teenage pregnancy that was meant to DETER us from having kids young. Hehe I really wanted a baby.
ReplyDeleteNow I could think of nothing worse. I can't handle a relationship, let alone a child. Doing a practical placement in a school helped me overcome my desires - the kids were all so dirty. And I like things to be clean.
I wouldn't rule it out for the future, and I am super excited about my friends having babies so I can coo at them briefly, but I don't see it happening for me any time soon.
People get so aggressive about babies! Haha what ever floats your boat.
Lots of love!
I have been reading but quiet so first I want to say hello my new friend!
ReplyDeletePersonally this is hard. Noone can predict even maybe a few months from now what we will want or need. Life has a habit of throwing curveballs at us.
It's HONEST to listen to your own body, your own likes, your own values and needs. If you listened to the expectations of others and had a child you were not ready for, I think THAT is selfish, because you didn't want it, you weren't in the right frame of mind, chances are there will be a little bit of a "what if.." going on all that child's life...that it will cloud your love for them - and that is not fair on either of you.
Some people just aren't meant to be mothers and fathers - they were put on this earth for a different role.
Me... I don't know. I want kids. It breaks my heart that most likely I won't be able to have kids, not just because of the obvious, I don't even have a boyfriend let alone a potential daddy/hubby, but because of the long term effects of being sick for so long.
Also, I don't know if I would be responsible enough... I have grown and changed so maybe some day I would know that I was and know that I was ready, but right now it scares the hell outta me, what if I harmed them horribly, what if I stuff their lives up asmuch as I have my own? I can't know that now.. all I can know is that right now, it would not be a good thing anyway, I'm not ready, not nearly ready.
Listen to your own body, life, heart - do what is right for you. There are always going to be ignoramuses out there who will pick away at all around them - they aren't worthy of worrying about. xxxx
ELYZA and FIONA I appreciate your comments very much. It makes me less alone in my peculiar world.
ReplyDeleteI had been a happy child so I still wonder why I’d never wanted a child of myself. I’ve always thought to end up being alone with my books, ballet, and theatre at some vineyard in France. However now I have a man by my side – so things are changing, maybe my attitude towards children will change too…
I'm sure you will know if the time is right. I would be excited if you decided to have baby! hehe.
ReplyDeletei love you, too, greta!!! it's 3am, and i'm out and about in new york city with my dog! can't do that with a human baby! :) xx
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