After having an awesome vocation in the wonderful Austria,
I didn’t want to turn my blog into m recovery journal, but I can’t escape from myself. Bulimia has been a huge part of my life. I thought I had recovered from it. Well, apparently I did not.
Back at square one.
I chose to recover.
As for my family. Now there are four of us me, my BF,and these two
our girl and the little boy.
thank u for your lovely comment! u can push through it and recover again!.. youll come back eVEN stronger!
ReplyDeletei thought that i was recovered, too, until my grandparents disowned me after reading my blog entry on "bulimic breasts." (this one: http://wp.me/p1BQPc-8L). due to the traditional italian stature of our family, my mom drove two hours to see the grandparents and to explain the reasoning behind my post. it literally tore our family apart, and nobody talks to me now (except for my parents, one of two sisters, one aunt, and one set of grandparents), but my mom explained it like this: "nicole will suffer from this from the rest of her life. this is a DISEASE." the way she said it shocked me because i thought, "what? no, i'm recovered. it's been a year." and then it hit me, yes, it's been a year since i've binged and purged. but, as clearly presented through my blog, my head is really screwed up. so i've decided to fly with using my blog as means of showing people exactly how eating disorders mess with the head. you certainly have that angle going for you, too. do your students read your blog? your family besides your bf and adorable kitties? :) i am certain that you need to be more private because of your occupation. i must say that i think you're fabulous, and this is officially my FAVOURITE blog.
ReplyDeleteOh, my sweet sweet, Nicole.
ReplyDeleteIt’s so sad that this monster tore your family apart. However you have a wonderful mom and the cutest Gwendolyn with you.
Well I have my cats
Nobody else know for sure about my disease. I’m such a good liar.
My students - no! Sorry, can't imagine doing this at all.
My mom, dad and brother suspect something. There were times they tried to approach and talk about my eating/ not eating, straining away from the family, not seeing my friend any more - I lied, I always did. Not even for myself - for them not to worry. I lied that I’m fine while dying inside. I still do not know if there will time come when I open up about it to them. I always play a happy daughter and sister, hoping one day to stop to pretend and to become one.
My BF. Well he is a victim of my lies too. Yes, he knows about my anorexia and overeating, but my bulimic life is still a secret and a lie. When I got too skinny from purging I lied about being sick. But he made me better. He made me believe that I can be loved, that I can be desired and happy. I had a good binge/purge year because of him and now I want to be free for myself. And one day after a good dose of wine I hope to tell him my whole life story without lies.
last week, i mentioned to a friend that i was the only one . . . the only one who suffered but understood the path to good health, while, nonetheless still mentally suffering. i've come across so many blogs, so many blogs of the unhealthy minds . . . of young girls trapped in their disorders, and i didn't think that anyone like me existed! but, to find your blog is truly a treasure! i am smiling from across the ocean because i know that someone else has experienced and is experiencing the same things . . . fighting hard to be healthy . . . and being fabulous at the same time. i will look forward to reading your blog each and everyday! and i will be utterly disappointed when a day passes without getting a "new post" message from your site. so please please please please keep blogging! your friend, nicole :) :) :)
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