I have no idea if anyone's reading the stuff I put out there.
But if there is, I must be honest.
I had suffered from anorexia, overeating and bulimia.
It has been only more that 6 months that I have started to change my attitude towards food, body image and myself.
It's very hard to know who you truly are while having any type of ED. Because then life isn't about you, it's about the food. You're so lost that you don't know how to love, laugh, live and enjoy things that are out there. All you think is food, and more food - what to eat, how not to eat, how much to eat - counting, measuring, loosing it, overeating, purging - every minute, every second of your life...
It's so sad!
I had no life, because of this.
I had no idea who am I.
I had no friends.
I had pushed away my parents, all my boyfriends and everyone who came across with suggestions about having some fun in life.
Because my fun was food.
Now I understand that deeper problems were lying under all those food thoughts. Probably too painful to dig into them...
But one day I did.
Now I'm still in recovery. I hope to be brave enough to continue on this painful topic and reveal how my life has changed since I faced my demons and learned how to laugh.
Thank you for sharing this. I have also overeaten and been anorexic -- I think a lot of girls in the blogging community have. It's a lifelong journey, I think; the anorexia and overeating both still lurk somewhere in my subconscious and rear their ugly heads every once in a while. But it does get a little easier with time :)
ReplyDeleteremember its not about commitment, its nothing you have to do. you 'can' always eat 'anything' you want- you should accept that. nothing is off limits. instead of maybe looking at it as good or bad food- look at 'food' as just nourishment and chose what is going to make you feel the best afterwards, what will make you happy, what will sustain you and your life, what will socially be fun, what is healthiest in terms of where you stand and of course choose stuff you like, tastes good and wont keep you with the desire to overthink or analyze.
ReplyDeleteSable, thank you for your nice words.
ReplyDeleteI surly hope that I will completely recover over some time. Meanwhile, making friends with food ;)
Mal, I admire you for your warmth and honesty. Thank you for your advice which’s helped me to put my thoughts together and to really embrace my recovery while actually enjoying it.
ReplyDeleteyou are my soul sister from a tiny country across the pond! i'm so with you on everything that you say; and like i've said before, this is my new favourite blog. i've read SO many since starting this blogging life, and i find yours to be the most genuine, healthy, and aspirational. it makes me feel connected and good . . . and not conspired against by those who are drowning in their disorders (and hopefully our blogs will get them to be healthy, too). thank you for writing. please don't stop!
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